You…

…might be a pirate if:

1) Your work uniform conists of inordinate amount of leather and requires lacing.
2) You are encouraged to bring weapons to work.
3) You find yourself cringing at the letter “R” and avoid saying it whenever possible.
4) The idea of a good meal is any one that was free and didn’t require bloodshed.
5) You have a long discussion with a civilian about the merits of wearing rope sandals.
6) You have devised a PG-rated, child-understanable difference between a “wench” and a “lady pirate”.
7) You walk into a store and forget you’re wearing your pirate garb until the security officer asks you to take the sword/pistol outside.
8) You appreciate the novelty of putting a skull-n-crossbones on anything – and shake your head when you see some of the ingenious things its been placed on.
9) You consider heavy research a heavy night of drinking rum.
10) You have been stopped on the streets by an officer, and then got a dismissal of charges because he couldn’t take you seriously.
11) Life jackets are considered free advertising.
12) You eat mac ‘n’ cheese religiously.
13) Protective “cups” are not always protective, nor should they be used as one.
14) “No, officer, I haven’t been drinking. I just came off the ship and haven’t gotten my land-legs back.”
15) Pubs, taverns, saloons and bars only recognize you when you’re in garb, and don’t give you the time of day when you drop by in civies.
16) Arby’s, argyle, arithmetic and several other words have been banned from your vocabulary.
17) When in the checkout line, children try to grab your weapons and their guardians don’t apologize, only snicker.
18) “Are you a real pirate?” – “No, I’m made of wax – YES, I’m a real pirate!”
19) A corset becomes a serious problem during foreplay.
20) When people ask to take your picture, you duck and cover if they have a Canon.

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Categories: Entertainment | Tags: , ,

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